I am a smoker.
I haven’t lit up for almost a year. Before that it was a couple months on, a year off, a year on, and about a decade off. I started smoking in high school and practiced at quitting through most of college and into my 20’s. I can’t say that I am a non smoker because that somehow means I am over it. I no long desire a smoke. That is a lie, I am a smoker, really, really wanting one at times, but in control of my addiction for the moment.
I was hired by the town to be the 4th of July coordinator. Basically raising money and organizing a couple of music concerts, the parade, vendors and volunteers. Morrisville has about 5000 folks and the 4th is our big deal. This is my first year doing this and I have never organized anything on this scale before. Sssshhh, don’t tell anyone, they think I know what I am doing.
I get nervous when I invite a couple of folks over for a sledding party and about 1/2 hour before they arrive I begin to feak out thinking that the event will fail. So taking on the 4th is a big stink’n deal. Weekend before last I began to wake up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep because of all the things that needed to be done and worried about raising the money. (my goal is 10K) The other morning I could feel the panic attack approaching. I needed an outlet before I freaked.
I used to run alot. I loved it and it helped to keep my stress level in balance . But about 2 years ago I needed to have the chassy strapped back under the hood. Gravity and bladder disease, IC, had taken its toll and things needed to be put back up into place. My urologist told me that running would be off the menu. He warned me that the sling he was putting in there to hold things up sometimes doesn’t do the trick. It was a risk. But after 2 years, his knots seems to be holding and my IC is in remission. So given my level of anxiety I needed to do something.
Down to the Oxbow, and one walk around the loop, then I couldn’t help it and I took the rail train and started a good pace. I jogged about 1/4 of a mile, then walked again for about the same. I felt really good and then jogged another mile or so. At the end, I picked up the pace, pushed hard and finished strong. Walked the oxbow loop most of the way to cool down. Stretched and headed home.
So far so good. I felt like running again to day, but decided that a couple of days in between would be the best bet. Bub is annoyed with me for running when I am not supposed to, but if I am running, then I am not smoking.
Less then a month to the 4th. This is like planning a wedding when the bride and her mother freaks out a bit before the day, then everything comes together nicely and on the day of the event the bride is a cool as a cucumber. It will all be fine.
